John Tighe on Penguins 4 Justice
Written by Nicky Getgood on Thursday, August 21st, 2008 ( Start discussion )
Tags: Custard Factory, Digbeth Olympics, John Tighe, penguins 4 justice, Spotted Dog
John Tighe said he’d email me his comments. And here they are. Who the hell is Little Jimmy?
URGENT PRESS RELEASE
At last one of Digbeth’s dirty little secrets in out in the open.
The rumours had been whispered in dark corners for many a year but, because of the power of the organisation concerned, nobody was brave enough to speak out. Until now!!!
No. These are not the rumours about planning corruption. Far worse!
No. These are nothing to do with Stasi-like activities of Council employees. Far worse!
No. These are not even about the bizarre sexual proclivities of the landlord of The Spotted Dog or rumours that Little Jimmy is really an amputee. Far, far worse!
Suspicions were raised a number of years ago when a strange-looking, secretive crew moved into the long-derelict Bird’s Custard Factory. What would they want to live there for? What were they doing? What was the reason for the spine-chilling noises emanating from the bowels of the old factory? Were they screams?
Sadly, it can now be revealed that even the most outrageous rumours about the inhabitants’ activities fell far short of the truth.
PENGUIN ABUSE!!!
One of the world’s most beloved and intelligent species (the latter evidenced by the fact that no penguin has ever attended a Blues or Villa match) is being systematically ill-treated for, we believe, religious reasons.
Nothing as despicable as this has been seen in England since the dissolution of the monasteries during the reign of that custard fanatic Henry VIII.
All of this has come to light with the escape from the clutches of these so-called Bird’s-lovers of Pingu, one of the long-term captives.
According to Pingu, who fled to The Spotted Dog claiming sanctuary and has now reverted to his real name, Seamus, he was kidnapped off the street when he was on his way home from the fish market, incarcerated in a dark room and subjected to torture by having techno music played to him 24 hours a day. Confusion reigned for a number of weeks during intensive questioning until Seamus realised that the denizens of the Custard Factory thought that he was a nun.
Alas, by this time, it was too late. Seamus had already owned up to being a Catholic. He was denied fish on Fridays and force-fed custard, which, everyone knows, is anathema to an Orthodox Penguin. His letters to His Holiness, Pope Penguidict XVI were severely censored and he was denied time to consort with the numerous other penguins who had been picked up in similar circumstances.
Seamus has said that he wants to stay at The Spotted Dog where he hopes to become a famous racing driver in the illegal Digbeth Olympics. He also wants to pursue his career as a musician and wants to partner Little Jimmy even if he’s an amputee and not a dwarf.
Comments:
What is your opinion?